Monthly Archives: October 2022

What is self love, and do you need it to manifest your desires?

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Self love is a favorite topic in the manifesting community, along with self concept. Yet there seems to be some confusion over what self love actually refers to and even more so, how you practice it. Beyond that, there is the ever ongoing debate about whether self love is actually needed to manifest your desires or if it is something that is purely pursued for self improvement, but has nothing to do with conscious manifestation. In this post, we are going to attempt to tackle these questions and give some clarity.

What is self love? Self love is not to be confused with self care, such as treating yourself to a spa, massage, pedicure, or taking yourself out on a date, although self care is definitely a part of self love – and an important one at that. It is also not to be confused with arrogance, a sense of self significance over others, or a self concept of others not deserving you and needing to beg for your attention because you are so much better than them. Self confidence and feeling secure in yourself are essential for self development, but arrogance is actually nothing more than insecurity in disguise. Self love though is much broader and encompassing of many more things than just self care, confidence, or security in self. I would actually argue that these terrific traits are the result and byproduct of practicing self love in the first place, but not its definition. Self love is synonymous with unconditional self acceptance, as well as belief and trust in oneself.

Self acceptance means that you embrace the concept of your wholeness and perfection at all times while recognizing your human imperfections and forgiving yourself for these. It means realizing that you are whole and perfect just as you are by virtue of having being born in this world as a human by God’s will. This alone means that there is nothing else needed for you to be perfect and whole. No fixing anything, no healing anything, no intervening in anything, no beating yourself up, no putting in effort – you are already perfect, whole, and complete right now, in this moment, just as you are. You always have been and you always will be. This does not mean that doing inner work and pursuing self development is wrong or unnecessary, but you recognize that it is something you do in order to expand your consciousness and ultimately find it easier to realize and embrace the perfection you already are, but not something you need to do in order to bring about that perfection in yourself. This also means that you accept and trust that you are in the perfect place in your life journey at any given time and that you don’t blame yourself for not being “further along” where your ego mind thinks you should be. It means that you shed all guilt, fear, doubt, and self reproach and that you believe in your power to bring about any change you desire in your life and trust yourself to have all the answers within – and this is all by virtue of being born, not something to try to attain or to strive for. Now, since we are all human, we of course have flaws – or at least what we perceive as flaws. We may feel we don’t have the perfect skin, the perfect body, the perfect confidence, the perfect sense of self worth, the perfect skills to succeed in what we want etc. – the list is endless. Self love doesn’t care about any of this. Self love embraces all perceived imperfections and still sees perfection and wholeness no matter what. If you can make remembering and reinforcing this within yourself a daily practice, you will soon start to feel a difference in how you feel about yourself, others, your circumstances, and the world at large. And the confidence, self acceptance, security in self, and desire to take care of yourself will come automatically, along with many other wonderful things.

The question of whether self love is needed to manifest your desires or not is a “hot topic” with many coaches having differing opinions about it. In my point of view, this is a false dilemma of sorts. Here’s why: you don’t actually “need” anything to manifest. Your desires are automatically manifested and the bridge of incidents becomes activated the moment you conceive of a desire. Yes, there are things that can delay these bridges from fully materializing and make them take a more roundabout way. But ultimately, the manifestation of your desires is inevitable, even if it becomes significantly delayed along the way for all the different reasons that are beyond the scope of this post. That being said, a lack of self love – in the form of accepting, believing in, and trusting in yourself as detailed above – is sure to be one of the main factors – if not the most significant one – to delay your desires from becoming manifest in the 3D world, or bringing about incomplete, partial manifestations, or a lot of hot and cold results. You may also find that your manifestation is inconsistent, where you can’t seem to fully keep it in your life, or it manifests in ways that you don’t prefer. The reason is simple: if you don’t believe in yourself and your power, if you don’t trust your inner being to be wise and limitless, and if you don’t maintain the feeling of knowing yourself as perfect and complete no matter what the 3D reality may be mirroring, you are going to be filled with doubt, anxiety, insecurities, fears, and all those unproductive feelings that disturb our inner balance. This is exactly what gives rise to the unwanted or incomplete results I just mentioned since this is where you dominantly put your energy. It does not mean that your desires will not ultimately manifest, but it may be a much longer, more painful, and much less direct way than otherwise, and if the lack of self love continues, it may be mixed with other unwanted results and may never feel quite complete.

Since what we teach on this website is simpler, easier, faster, more effortless ways to manifest our desires, self love as described in this post is essential for a general sense of wellbeing. And having a dominant sense of wellbeing and inner balance is the surest way to bring about your desired outcomes fast and easy, in a way that is effortless, feels natural, is consistent, and actually feels very rewarding. So I would urge everyone to prioritize deepening your self love practice on a daily basis with the main goal of feeling well, balanced, and content within. The results are sure to follow and may be even better than you could have ever imagined.

Should you take your specific person off the pedestal?

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There is a lot of talk in the manifesting community about how only we (the manifestor) should be on the pedestal and how everything and everyone else – including and especially our specific person – should be off the pedestal. While there is some truth to that, my opinion and experience on this is slightly different. Let me explain.

When manifesting any desire into our 3D reality, putting the desire on a pedestal will more often than not delay the manifestation due to the resistance it creates. This is because the message we automatically give our subconscious is that this desire is hard to manifest, that it should be more difficult than normal, and that we do not have our desire right now. As we know, our subconscious will accept whatever suggestion we give it and bring it into our reality, slowing things down, and manifesting doubts and obstacles instead of our actual desire. This goes for any and all manifestations and of course this includes specific person manifestations.

All that being said, there is a fine line between keeping someone off the pedestal and putting ourselves so high up the pedestal that we end up belittling and underestimating everything and everyone else by stating or thinking things like, “they don’t deserve me”, “I am so much better than them”, “they should be begging to have me” etc. While a healthy self concept and strong confidence in self are essential tools to fast and effortless manifesting, we don’t want to be crossing over to pride, arrogance, or conceit. And I’m not saying this for any moral reason, but rather from a manifesting point of view and again from the point of view of the story we tell our subconscious in relation to our desire. Assuming our desire is to manifest a beautiful, loving relationship with our specific person, saying that we deserve better, that we are better than them, or that they should be begging for our attention gives our subconscious the message that we are actually not being treated the way we want to be treated by our specific person and that the relationship is actually not what we want and deserve, hence missing the mark of living in the state of the wish fulfilled. Looking at both states more closely – the one where your specific person is on a pedestal and feels out of reach, and the one where you feel so high up the pedestal that you start feeling your specific person doesn’t deserve you – are the opposite sides of the same coin called “the ego”. Both states are ego-driven and lack-driven – in the first case you find yourself lacking in relation to your specific person, while in the second case you find your specific person lacking in relation to you. The ego loves to create friction by comparison. I completely understand how it can feel empowering to lift yourself up and no longer feel desperate and helpless when it comes to having your person – and by all means, do that, empower, trust and believe in yourself – but I would urge caution in getting too far off the opposite side for the reasons already explained.

What, then, is the answer? Where is the balance to be found? The answer is: love. Love yourself and love your specific person if what you want is to get love back. If you are manifesting love with them after all, it makes perfect sense to project love out so that you get love reflected back to you, doesn’t it? You love yourself through unconditional self acceptance and through absolute trust in yourself to have all the answers, to know what to do and how to manifest every desire given to you, and to believe yourself to be powerful, beautiful, magnetic, loved, wanted, desired, and appreciated at all times by everyone in your life. When it comes to your specific person, you love them by accepting them and trusting them to be able, capable and willing to be the best version of themselves to you and for you. You know that you deserve it and you accept that they deserve and desire this loving relationship too that will bring out the best in them.

The added effect manifesting through love and trust has is that you actually lose all this unhealthy attachment to your desire that you may have. You create a healthy detachment by getting into the state of knowing that all is well, that you are loved and wanted, that you already have what you want and that it is possible for you. You lose all this ego resistance, the feeling becomes more natural until one day it becomes inner knowledge, and this is when things in the outside world begin to move in your favor. You no longer stress, worry, or doubt yourself excessively, you don’t get too caught up in circumstances, and you go about living and enjoying your life without obsessing over this one desire. A win-win on all fronts.

So every time you are temped by the ego to create unfavorable stories about your specific person (or anyone else for that matter) that involve you being on a high pedestal and everyone else undeserving of your love and attention, don’t take the bait. Remember what you are truly manifesting into your life – love, fulfillment, acceptance, respect – and choose love instead in order to see it mirrored back to you. Love for yourself and love for any specific person whose love you want to bring into your life.