The concept of self love is very often discussed in the manifesting community and a lot of definitions are thrown around as to what it means to love yourself.
Some will associate self love with self care – such as taking care of yourself, treat yourself to pedicures, or taking yourself out on dates. And it is all of this, without a doubt. Other people will associate self love with activities such as talking to yourself in front of a mirror, writing yourself love letters, or affirming all sorts of favorable things about yourself. And it is also all of this, as well.
However, in my opinion, there is one thing that is the ultimate act of self love that we should all aspire to. And that is, giving ourselves our best life and committing to living this life every single day. Contrary to popular belief (including within the manifesting community), we don’t need to wait for our manifestations to come in before we can live our best life. This is something we can do right here, right now, with what we already have, regardless of the status of our manifestations. All it takes is an inner shift and a knowing that we are already whole and complete and that everything has already been given to us. Our manifestations are done and will materialize sooner or later, but they are only meant to add to the feeling of already being whole rather than induce it. In other words, we are not manifesting to become happy, we are manifesting to add to our completeness.
Living one’s best life takes a combination of determined inner imagination and in some cases, inspired action in the 3D reality. Deciding who we want to be and taking any necessary steps that will support this state – that will naturally come from the state we have stepped into – is what leads us to living our best life. Even if we’re not ‘there’ yet, being happy and content with the direction our life is going towards is enough to give us a feeling of fulfillment and self realization.
Taking care of our ‘messes’ in life (whether they be physical, emotional, in our relationships with others, to-do lists that never get tackled, or something else) is also going to ease our emotional load significantly and add to our general wellness and wellbeing – physical, emotional, psychological, and mental. This also contributes to bringing order back into our life, feeling in control, having a sense of accomplishment, and ultimately feeling content with ourselves and our life.
And that is the definition of living your best life and aligning your mental and emotional states with your physical reality to expand yourself into new, better, more complete versions.
Doubt is a common occurrence while manifesting our desires, especially at the beginning of our journey. More often than not, doubts have to do with the circumstances surrounding the fulfillment of our desires, which we often tend to view as insurmountable or very difficult. Every spiritual teacher tells us in one way or another that “circumstances don’t matter” when it comes to the Law and that we need to have faith and stay loyal to our vision. But why is it that circumstances don’t actually matter and how do we go about believing that so that we can rid ourselves of the burden of constantly second guessing our desires and doubting their manifestation into the 3D? Read on as we discuss this topic that all of us have encountered at one point or another.
Circumstances, no matter how difficult, opposing or impossible they may feel, are without exception manifestations of our dominant assumptions, beliefs, subconscious patterns, and self concept at one time or another. And since, as conscious manifestors, we are training ourselves to shift our state to assumptions, beliefs, subconscious patterns and a self concept that are more aligned to what we actually want to experience in our 3D reality, we know that we can shift, change and alter anything to our preference and choice. There is an infinite number of versions of reality that have already been created and all we do as conscious manifestors is to draw from that infinite field and choose the versions of reality, people and experiences we wish to encounter or improve or change our current reality to.
The challenge most people face is that they cannot properly detach from previous versions of reality that are either in their memory or even still appearing in their 3D reality, creating the illusion that change is impossible or at the very least, very difficult. In actuality, change is just a matter of decision. As Neville Goddard tells us, we first need a burning desire for a change – without that, the motivation to stay consistent and disciplined to imagining our desired reality and shutting out all other opposing options is nonexistent and hence likely to fail us. Given that burning desire, we then decide that our manifestation is ours (chosen from the infinite field of possibilities already there) and stay in that inner knowing and conviction no matter what the 3D may be showing us or what doubts our mind might present us with.
Circumstances can and totally do change, all the time in fact. One of the few certainties in life is change. We all know cases in ourselves and others of seemingly impossible odds being overcome, but the reason we can’t allow ourselves the luxury of believing the same when it comes to manifestations that we deem really important is that we become too emotionally involved and thus can’t see clearly. Knowing the fundamentals of the Law and how it works and why, we can actually detach some from our desire and realize that no circumstance is insurmountable or impossible to change because the possibility and potential is already there. All we have to do is connect with it in imagination and embody the person who already is, has and does whatever it is that we want to be, have, or do. If we remain indifferent to circumstances, they have no choice but to actually shift eventually or just stop mattering, because we have chosen and focused on a new reality, and those circumstances belong in the old reality we are no longer aligned to, so they have to vanish along with that reality.
Manifesting a specific person is no different to manifesting any other goal or desire. All it comes down to is convincing yourself that you already have them. Even if you don’t yet see it in the 3D reality, you still develop the confidence, inner knowing and conviction that your desire is going to show up in your 3D sooner or later and keep living life feeling content.
Here is a quick guide on how to get to that state of conviction and how to make it your dominant state:
1) Have a solid foundation about how the Law works. Above all, remember that consciousness is primordial. This will help tremendously to strengthen your faith. There is nothing above consciousness and what you decide in consciousness is up to you and you alone.
2) Believe in yourself. You can do it and you already have all the answers within you. This goes hand in hand with point #1. Knowing how the Law works, gives you the confidence to know that you and you alone can bring about that change in your life regardless of circumstances, the current 3D reality or anything else showing up as a ‘barrier’.
3) Know that your desire is already yours. If it was given to you by your higher self, then it it’s meant for you, and the means to realize it have already been devised. They may not yet be obvious in the 3D, but they do exist and they will manifest in the most natural possible ways – the path of least resistance.
4) Focus your imagination on all the things you want to experience with your specific person. Treat any old stories as old news, or revise them. You’re in a new reality now and the past doesn’t apply anymore. Be consistent with your new story.
5) Live your life. Pursue all your other goals. Have fun and make your days as happy as possible, filled with things and experiences you enjoy. This will help you incorporate the previous points so much easier too. The more content you are with your life in general, the easier it is for you to imagine favorably about yourself and embody the conviction, confidence and expectation that more good things are coming your way!
Self love is a favorite topic in the manifesting community, along with self concept. Yet there seems to be some confusion over what self love actually refers to and even more so, how you practice it. Beyond that, there is the ever ongoing debate about whether self love is actually needed to manifest your desires or if it is something that is purely pursued for self improvement, but has nothing to do with conscious manifestation. In this post, we are going to attempt to tackle these questions and give some clarity.
What is self love? Self love is not to be confused with self care, such as treating yourself to a spa, massage, pedicure, or taking yourself out on a date, although self care is definitely a part of self love – and an important one at that. It is also not to be confused with arrogance, a sense of self significance over others, or a self concept of others not deserving you and needing to beg for your attention because you are so much better than them. Self confidence and feeling secure in yourself are essential for self development, but arrogance is actually nothing more than insecurity in disguise. Self love though is much broader and encompassing of many more things than just self care, confidence, or security in self. I would actually argue that these terrific traits are the result and byproduct of practicing self love in the first place, but not its definition. Self love is synonymous with unconditional self acceptance, as well as belief and trust in oneself.
Self acceptance means that you embrace the concept of your wholeness and perfection at all times while recognizing your human imperfections and forgiving yourself for these. It means realizing that you are whole and perfect just as you are by virtue of having being born in this world as a human by God’s will. This alone means that there is nothing else needed for you to be perfect and whole. No fixing anything, no healing anything, no intervening in anything, no beating yourself up, no putting in effort – you are already perfect, whole, and complete right now, in this moment, just as you are. You always have been and you always will be. This does not mean that doing inner work and pursuing self development is wrong or unnecessary, but you recognize that it is something you do in order to expand your consciousness and ultimately find it easier to realize and embrace the perfection you already are, but not something you need to do in order to bring about that perfection in yourself. This also means that you accept and trust that you are in the perfect place in your life journey at any given time and that you don’t blame yourself for not being “further along” where your ego mind thinks you should be. It means that you shed all guilt, fear, doubt, and self reproach and that you believe in your power to bring about any change you desire in your life and trust yourself to have all the answers within – and this is all by virtue of being born, not something to try to attain or to strive for. Now, since we are all human, we of course have flaws – or at least what we perceive as flaws. We may feel we don’t have the perfect skin, the perfect body, the perfect confidence, the perfect sense of self worth, the perfect skills to succeed in what we want etc. – the list is endless. Self love doesn’t care about any of this. Self love embraces all perceived imperfections and still sees perfection and wholeness no matter what. If you can make remembering and reinforcing this within yourself a daily practice, you will soon start to feel a difference in how you feel about yourself, others, your circumstances, and the world at large. And the confidence, self acceptance, security in self, and desire to take care of yourself will come automatically, along with many other wonderful things.
The question of whether self love is needed to manifest your desires or not is a “hot topic” with many coaches having differing opinions about it. In my point of view, this is a false dilemma of sorts. Here’s why: you don’t actually “need” anything to manifest. Your desires are automatically manifested and the bridge of incidents becomes activated the moment you conceive of a desire. Yes, there are things that can delay these bridges from fully materializing and make them take a more roundabout way. But ultimately, the manifestation of your desires is inevitable, even if it becomes significantly delayed along the way for all the different reasons that are beyond the scope of this post. That being said, a lack of self love – in the form of accepting, believing in, and trusting in yourself as detailed above – is sure to be one of the main factors – if not the most significant one – to delay your desires from becoming manifest in the 3D world, or bringing about incomplete, partial manifestations, or a lot of hot and cold results. You may also find that your manifestation is inconsistent, where you can’t seem to fully keep it in your life, or it manifests in ways that you don’t prefer. The reason is simple: if you don’t believe in yourself and your power, if you don’t trust your inner being to be wise and limitless, and if you don’t maintain the feeling of knowing yourself as perfect and complete no matter what the 3D reality may be mirroring, you are going to be filled with doubt, anxiety, insecurities, fears, and all those unproductive feelings that disturb our inner balance. This is exactly what gives rise to the unwanted or incomplete results I just mentioned since this is where you dominantly put your energy. It does not mean that your desires will not ultimately manifest, but it may be a much longer, more painful, and much less direct way than otherwise, and if the lack of self love continues, it may be mixed with other unwanted results and may never feel quite complete.
Since what we teach on this website is simpler, easier, faster, more effortless ways to manifest our desires, self love as described in this post is essential for a general sense of wellbeing. And having a dominant sense of wellbeing and inner balance is the surest way to bring about your desired outcomes fast and easy, in a way that is effortless, feels natural, is consistent, and actually feels very rewarding. So I would urge everyone to prioritize deepening your self love practice on a daily basis with the main goal of feeling well, balanced, and content within. The results are sure to follow and may be even better than you could have ever imagined.
There is a lot of talk in the manifesting community about how only we (the manifestor) should be on the pedestal and how everything and everyone else – including and especially our specific person – should be off the pedestal. While there is some truth to that, my opinion and experience on this is slightly different. Let me explain.
When manifesting any desire into our 3D reality, putting the desire on a pedestal will more often than not delay the manifestation due to the resistance it creates. This is because the message we automatically give our subconscious is that this desire is hard to manifest, that it should be more difficult than normal, and that we do not have our desire right now. As we know, our subconscious will accept whatever suggestion we give it and bring it into our reality, slowing things down, and manifesting doubts and obstacles instead of our actual desire. This goes for any and all manifestations and of course this includes specific person manifestations.
All that being said, there is a fine line between keeping someone off the pedestal and putting ourselves so high up the pedestal that we end up belittling and underestimating everything and everyone else by stating or thinking things like, “they don’t deserve me”, “I am so much better than them”, “they should be begging to have me” etc. While a healthy self concept and strong confidence in self are essential tools to fast and effortless manifesting, we don’t want to be crossing over to pride, arrogance, or conceit. And I’m not saying this for any moral reason, but rather from a manifesting point of view and again from the point of view of the story we tell our subconscious in relation to our desire. Assuming our desire is to manifest a beautiful, loving relationship with our specific person, saying that we deserve better, that we are better than them, or that they should be begging for our attention gives our subconscious the message that we are actually not being treated the way we want to be treated by our specific person and that the relationship is actually not what we want and deserve, hence missing the mark of living in the state of the wish fulfilled. Looking at both states more closely – the one where your specific person is on a pedestal and feels out of reach, and the one where you feel so high up the pedestal that you start feeling your specific person doesn’t deserve you – are the opposite sides of the same coin called “the ego”. Both states are ego-driven and lack-driven – in the first case you find yourself lacking in relation to your specific person, while in the second case you find your specific person lacking in relation to you. The ego loves to create friction by comparison. I completely understand how it can feel empowering to lift yourself up and no longer feel desperate and helpless when it comes to having your person – and by all means, do that, empower, trust and believe in yourself – but I would urge caution in getting too far off the opposite side for the reasons already explained.
What, then, is the answer? Where is the balance to be found? The answer is: love. Love yourself and love your specific person if what you want is to get love back. If you are manifesting love with them after all, it makes perfect sense to project love out so that you get love reflected back to you, doesn’t it? You love yourself through unconditional self acceptance and through absolute trust in yourself to have all the answers, to know what to do and how to manifest every desire given to you, and to believe yourself to be powerful, beautiful, magnetic, loved, wanted, desired, and appreciated at all times by everyone in your life. When it comes to your specific person, you love them by accepting them and trusting them to be able, capable and willing to be the best version of themselves to you and for you. You know that you deserve it and you accept that they deserve and desire this loving relationship too that will bring out the best in them.
The added effect manifesting through love and trust has is that you actually lose all this unhealthy attachment to your desire that you may have. You create a healthy detachment by getting into the state of knowing that all is well, that you are loved and wanted, that you already have what you want and that it is possible for you. You lose all this ego resistance, the feeling becomes more natural until one day it becomes inner knowledge, and this is when things in the outside world begin to move in your favor. You no longer stress, worry, or doubt yourself excessively, you don’t get too caught up in circumstances, and you go about living and enjoying your life without obsessing over this one desire. A win-win on all fronts.
So every time you are temped by the ego to create unfavorable stories about your specific person (or anyone else for that matter) that involve you being on a high pedestal and everyone else undeserving of your love and attention, don’t take the bait. Remember what you are truly manifesting into your life – love, fulfillment, acceptance, respect – and choose love instead in order to see it mirrored back to you. Love for yourself and love for any specific person whose love you want to bring into your life.
