Tag Archives: law of attraction

What is self love, and do you need it to manifest your desires?

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Self love is a favorite topic in the manifesting community, along with self concept. Yet there seems to be some confusion over what self love actually refers to and even more so, how you practice it. Beyond that, there is the ever ongoing debate about whether self love is actually needed to manifest your desires or if it is something that is purely pursued for self improvement, but has nothing to do with conscious manifestation. In this post, we are going to attempt to tackle these questions and give some clarity.

What is self love? Self love is not to be confused with self care, such as treating yourself to a spa, massage, pedicure, or taking yourself out on a date, although self care is definitely a part of self love – and an important one at that. It is also not to be confused with arrogance, a sense of self significance over others, or a self concept of others not deserving you and needing to beg for your attention because you are so much better than them. Self confidence and feeling secure in yourself are essential for self development, but arrogance is actually nothing more than insecurity in disguise. Self love though is much broader and encompassing of many more things than just self care, confidence, or security in self. I would actually argue that these terrific traits are the result and byproduct of practicing self love in the first place, but not its definition. Self love is synonymous with unconditional self acceptance, as well as belief and trust in oneself.

Self acceptance means that you embrace the concept of your wholeness and perfection at all times while recognizing your human imperfections and forgiving yourself for these. It means realizing that you are whole and perfect just as you are by virtue of having being born in this world as a human by God’s will. This alone means that there is nothing else needed for you to be perfect and whole. No fixing anything, no healing anything, no intervening in anything, no beating yourself up, no putting in effort – you are already perfect, whole, and complete right now, in this moment, just as you are. You always have been and you always will be. This does not mean that doing inner work and pursuing self development is wrong or unnecessary, but you recognize that it is something you do in order to expand your consciousness and ultimately find it easier to realize and embrace the perfection you already are, but not something you need to do in order to bring about that perfection in yourself. This also means that you accept and trust that you are in the perfect place in your life journey at any given time and that you don’t blame yourself for not being “further along” where your ego mind thinks you should be. It means that you shed all guilt, fear, doubt, and self reproach and that you believe in your power to bring about any change you desire in your life and trust yourself to have all the answers within – and this is all by virtue of being born, not something to try to attain or to strive for. Now, since we are all human, we of course have flaws – or at least what we perceive as flaws. We may feel we don’t have the perfect skin, the perfect body, the perfect confidence, the perfect sense of self worth, the perfect skills to succeed in what we want etc. – the list is endless. Self love doesn’t care about any of this. Self love embraces all perceived imperfections and still sees perfection and wholeness no matter what. If you can make remembering and reinforcing this within yourself a daily practice, you will soon start to feel a difference in how you feel about yourself, others, your circumstances, and the world at large. And the confidence, self acceptance, security in self, and desire to take care of yourself will come automatically, along with many other wonderful things.

The question of whether self love is needed to manifest your desires or not is a “hot topic” with many coaches having differing opinions about it. In my point of view, this is a false dilemma of sorts. Here’s why: you don’t actually “need” anything to manifest. Your desires are automatically manifested and the bridge of incidents becomes activated the moment you conceive of a desire. Yes, there are things that can delay these bridges from fully materializing and make them take a more roundabout way. But ultimately, the manifestation of your desires is inevitable, even if it becomes significantly delayed along the way for all the different reasons that are beyond the scope of this post. That being said, a lack of self love – in the form of accepting, believing in, and trusting in yourself as detailed above – is sure to be one of the main factors – if not the most significant one – to delay your desires from becoming manifest in the 3D world, or bringing about incomplete, partial manifestations, or a lot of hot and cold results. You may also find that your manifestation is inconsistent, where you can’t seem to fully keep it in your life, or it manifests in ways that you don’t prefer. The reason is simple: if you don’t believe in yourself and your power, if you don’t trust your inner being to be wise and limitless, and if you don’t maintain the feeling of knowing yourself as perfect and complete no matter what the 3D reality may be mirroring, you are going to be filled with doubt, anxiety, insecurities, fears, and all those unproductive feelings that disturb our inner balance. This is exactly what gives rise to the unwanted or incomplete results I just mentioned since this is where you dominantly put your energy. It does not mean that your desires will not ultimately manifest, but it may be a much longer, more painful, and much less direct way than otherwise, and if the lack of self love continues, it may be mixed with other unwanted results and may never feel quite complete.

Since what we teach on this website is simpler, easier, faster, more effortless ways to manifest our desires, self love as described in this post is essential for a general sense of wellbeing. And having a dominant sense of wellbeing and inner balance is the surest way to bring about your desired outcomes fast and easy, in a way that is effortless, feels natural, is consistent, and actually feels very rewarding. So I would urge everyone to prioritize deepening your self love practice on a daily basis with the main goal of feeling well, balanced, and content within. The results are sure to follow and may be even better than you could have ever imagined.

Should you take your specific person off the pedestal?

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There is a lot of talk in the manifesting community about how only we (the manifestor) should be on the pedestal and how everything and everyone else – including and especially our specific person – should be off the pedestal. While there is some truth to that, my opinion and experience on this is slightly different. Let me explain.

When manifesting any desire into our 3D reality, putting the desire on a pedestal will more often than not delay the manifestation due to the resistance it creates. This is because the message we automatically give our subconscious is that this desire is hard to manifest, that it should be more difficult than normal, and that we do not have our desire right now. As we know, our subconscious will accept whatever suggestion we give it and bring it into our reality, slowing things down, and manifesting doubts and obstacles instead of our actual desire. This goes for any and all manifestations and of course this includes specific person manifestations.

All that being said, there is a fine line between keeping someone off the pedestal and putting ourselves so high up the pedestal that we end up belittling and underestimating everything and everyone else by stating or thinking things like, “they don’t deserve me”, “I am so much better than them”, “they should be begging to have me” etc. While a healthy self concept and strong confidence in self are essential tools to fast and effortless manifesting, we don’t want to be crossing over to pride, arrogance, or conceit. And I’m not saying this for any moral reason, but rather from a manifesting point of view and again from the point of view of the story we tell our subconscious in relation to our desire. Assuming our desire is to manifest a beautiful, loving relationship with our specific person, saying that we deserve better, that we are better than them, or that they should be begging for our attention gives our subconscious the message that we are actually not being treated the way we want to be treated by our specific person and that the relationship is actually not what we want and deserve, hence missing the mark of living in the state of the wish fulfilled. Looking at both states more closely – the one where your specific person is on a pedestal and feels out of reach, and the one where you feel so high up the pedestal that you start feeling your specific person doesn’t deserve you – are the opposite sides of the same coin called “the ego”. Both states are ego-driven and lack-driven – in the first case you find yourself lacking in relation to your specific person, while in the second case you find your specific person lacking in relation to you. The ego loves to create friction by comparison. I completely understand how it can feel empowering to lift yourself up and no longer feel desperate and helpless when it comes to having your person – and by all means, do that, empower, trust and believe in yourself – but I would urge caution in getting too far off the opposite side for the reasons already explained.

What, then, is the answer? Where is the balance to be found? The answer is: love. Love yourself and love your specific person if what you want is to get love back. If you are manifesting love with them after all, it makes perfect sense to project love out so that you get love reflected back to you, doesn’t it? You love yourself through unconditional self acceptance and through absolute trust in yourself to have all the answers, to know what to do and how to manifest every desire given to you, and to believe yourself to be powerful, beautiful, magnetic, loved, wanted, desired, and appreciated at all times by everyone in your life. When it comes to your specific person, you love them by accepting them and trusting them to be able, capable and willing to be the best version of themselves to you and for you. You know that you deserve it and you accept that they deserve and desire this loving relationship too that will bring out the best in them.

The added effect manifesting through love and trust has is that you actually lose all this unhealthy attachment to your desire that you may have. You create a healthy detachment by getting into the state of knowing that all is well, that you are loved and wanted, that you already have what you want and that it is possible for you. You lose all this ego resistance, the feeling becomes more natural until one day it becomes inner knowledge, and this is when things in the outside world begin to move in your favor. You no longer stress, worry, or doubt yourself excessively, you don’t get too caught up in circumstances, and you go about living and enjoying your life without obsessing over this one desire. A win-win on all fronts.

So every time you are temped by the ego to create unfavorable stories about your specific person (or anyone else for that matter) that involve you being on a high pedestal and everyone else undeserving of your love and attention, don’t take the bait. Remember what you are truly manifesting into your life – love, fulfillment, acceptance, respect – and choose love instead in order to see it mirrored back to you. Love for yourself and love for any specific person whose love you want to bring into your life.

Specific person: why you CAN manifest them and why you SHOULD

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In a previous post, I went into detail about why all our desires – be it generic or specific, including the desire for a specific person in our life – are meant for us to have and experience. This post is an add-on to drive the point home that, if your desire is for a specific person, then you absolutely can manifest them, and what’s more than that, you actually should do it.

As we mentioned previously, there is nothing that is off limits to our God nature which we all partake in. All things are possible to God and desires are given to us because they are meant to materialize in the 3D world as one of the infinite expressions of God in this world. We, in our human form, are the vessel through which such expressions come into physical form. God is One Consciousness but with infinite, limitless expressions. Therefore, the desire for a specific person is no different than any other desire, and because all desires are given with the means to their realization already devised – no matter whether our limited human mind can see that clearly or not – it is absolutely possible and doable to manifest a specific person regardless of any 3D circumstances making it seemingly hard or even impossible. Remember that circumstances are only a problem if we perceive them as such. If we remain indifferent to them, or keep a strong conviction that everything happens in our favor, or even that our desire is ours despite any seeming obstacles – all different forms of revision – then they will “magically” either fade away, or change, or will stop mattering even if they remain.

“If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.”

Mark 9:23

There’s even more to it than that. Not only CAN you manifest a specific person, but you also SHOULD (if that’s what you want). As we already said, desires are given to us for a reason. The reason is for us to have them, enjoy them, have a richer human experience while on this earth, but also fulfill our God self’s expression through that desire coming to pass in the material world. So not honoring your desire by holding back, denying it to yourself, doubting or second guessing it would be denying your God self the opportunity to that physical expression that was meant as a gift for you in the first place. All desires are a promise and a gift from your God self and are meant to be taken and accepted as such. If your desire is for a specific person, you would be doing yourself a disservice by not manifesting it and rejecting this gift that has been extended to you as a special possibility for you – and this goes for any and all desires. Accept your desire for a specific person with gratitude – as you would do with any gift – and give it your energy so that you can see it manifest in the physical realm.

Manifesting a specific person and free will

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Some people, especially those coming from traditional Law of Attraction teachings, worry that manifesting a specific person means depriving them of their free will, manipulating them, or exercising some sort of mind control over them. However this is a false premise and in direct contrast with the principle of “Everyone Is You Pushed Out” that we’re going to explore further in this post.

First things first though, let’s get one thing clear and out of the way. Conscious manifesting is not magic, witchcraft, mind control or any other obscure practice – in fact all such practices are actually intention setting accompanied by a ritual to help the practitioner strengthen their own faith in what they’re doing. All conscious manifesting is, is changing one’s self to align with the energy of our desired outcome.

The whole vast world is YOU pushed out.

Neville Goddard

What Neville means in the quote above is that the world is always a mirror of our consciousness within. This includes other people. No one is exempt from that law and means that every person we encounter in our life – in any role or capacity – is simply a reflection of our own thoughts, feelings, beliefs and assumptions about ourselves, them, our relationship with them, and also the world at large. Chances are that, if you are having trouble manifesting a specific person – whether it’s for a new relationship, getting back together, or improving an existing relationship – you have certain mental and/or emotional blocks in one or more of the above categories, which your specific person reflects back to you with their words and/or actions (or lack thereof). For example, you may feel like you are not worthy of love (self concept), that your specific person is not ready to commit to a relationship (belief about the other person), that you are very different people wanting different things (assumption about the relationship between you), or that romantic relationships in general are hard (belief about the world at large). Ultimately though, everything ties back to your self concept on some level or other.

Since everyone out there is a mirror of who you are within, it follows that shifting who you are within will also cause a shift in what the mirror reflects back to you. Just like a physical mirror that always reflects what you put in front of it – whether that’s you winking, smiling, frowning, lifting your arm, or scratching your chin, plus an infinite number of other possibilities – everyone else in your life will always reflect your inner energy into the outer world for you to experience. What do you do if you see something you don’t like in a physical mirror? You correct your hair, makeup, or facial expression into something that matches how you actually want to look like. Similarly, by the principles of conscious manifesting, if someone in your outer world reflects something you don’t prefer, what you are supposed to do is correct the overall energy you project (thoughts, inner conversations, feelings, beliefs) to match what you want to experience with the person instead, which, if consistent enough, they will then reflect back to you sooner or later.

Unlike what most dominantly believe, people don’t deliberately set out to hurt you, upset you, make you angry, jealous, or anxious. Rather, they are reflecting these energies that you – as the main player in your reality – first projected out through your inner conversations and feelings, matching those energies to a T, forever obeying your own internal script about yourself, them, your relationship with them, and the world around you.

For others only echo that which we whisper to them in secret.

Neville Goddard, “The Power of Awareness”

You see then why free will isn’t even relevant in this context and why it is not something that you need to worry about when manifesting a specific person. Let go right now of any and all guilt, fear, or doubt about manipulating others or controlling their thoughts. For no one – not even ourselves – has true free will in this 3D world, except in how we perceive and interpret what we experience in our life, as well as in setting intentions – all parts of choosing the state we dwell in. But we definitely all play the part given to us by the energies other people project upon us. And since we live in quantum bubbles where all we can ever experience is our own reality, other people – including our specific person – are compelled to act out that which we “whisper to them in secret”, which we can choose to change and adjust in any given moment.

How to use revision in everyday life

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We’ve said previously that the purpose of revision is not to change external events or circumstances, but rather to change how we ourselves feel about a certain event, circumstance, person, or even about ourselves. In other words, if we change our energy towards it, that in itself will then prompt external circumstances (including other people) to reflect a change back to us. In this post, we are going to explore a few different practical ways through which we can use revision in everyday life, always keeping in mind that the first goal is to change how we feel about whatever we are revising.

  • Neville’s way, aka re-imagine the scene a different way: In “The Pruning Shears of Revision”, Neville encourages us to re-imagine an incident that didn’t go as we had hoped or wanted in a different way that reflects a different development, aligned with what we actually want to have happened. For example, let’s say you got an email with disappointing news. In Neville’s way, you would go within and imagine that email to say what you wish it said instead. You do this as many times as needed until you start feeling better about the unwanted incident, i.e. until your energy starts to change from frustration, sadness, anxiety, disappointment, anger to that of calmness, relief, confidence, gratitude or other similar energy. In some cases, the shift in energy may even take the form of indifference, i.e. you are no longer bothered by what happened, and that is also a good sign. Depending on the level of resistance you have to the new story, it may take several repetitions until you start feeling the effect of your energy changing. Keep at it. In some cases you may only do it once or twice and immediately feel the shift. In other cases it may take days or even weeks of repetition. Both scenarios are fine and normal. It is not necessary to actually forget what happened initially, but remember you are going for a change in attitude and feeling towards what happened. You need to be able to not dwell on it anymore with pain and hurt attached to the memory of it.
  • Give the story a different meaning that aligns with your desired outcome: Remember that everything and everyone is you pushed out, so this is actually a very effective way to deal with an unwanted event, as what you think, believe and assume is literally what you end up seeing in your reality. In this technique, you do not change the facts of what has occurred, but you change the interpretation of the facts and your perception of them to something desirable or at least neutral. For example, let’s say your specific person took hours to respond to your message and that has upset you. Instead of giving it the meaning that they are ignoring you, don’t care about you, don’t love you, don’t want to talk to you, and this entire negative spiral of thoughts, feelings and self-pity, you give it a different meaning that suits you. For example, you may instead convince yourself that they have lost their phone, that they are sleeping, that they are swamped with back to back meetings, or even that they are actually on their way to your home to surprise you with a visit, but that in any event, you will be hearing from them shortly and that you are on their mind regardless. The new meaning in itself doesn’t matter as long as it’s something that feels good to you. The more you’re able to believe the new meaning you assign to the story, the better, because the easier it will be for your subconscious to accept it. So make sure it’s something believable to you that you can get behind and repeat to yourself until you feel your grip loosening and your desperation going down and you stop dwelling negatively on the fact.
  • Everything is a bridge bringing you closer to your desired outcome: In this method, you don’t even need to revise any of the facts, but it is important to stay neutral about what has happened (it’s ok to acknowledge that it wasn’t what you ideally wanted, but don’t dwell on it) and to not pass any judgment to the best of your ability. Instead, you observe the event as it occurred – if you’re a more advanced practitioner, feel free to do some reverse engineering and connect the event that was mirrored back to you with your inner beliefs or assumptions where it came from – and reassure yourself that, even if it looks bad at first glance, it is still working in your favor and it is still a bridge working for you, not against you, with the sole purpose of bringing your desired outcome to you. The folk story of the young peasant who broke his legs and whose whole village pitied him for his misfortune, only for him to find out a few days later that war had broken and that his disability had saved him from being drafted as a soldier to the war is a perfect example of that. Something seemingly bad or negative turns out instead to be a big blessing in disguise. Assume that everything is working in your favor no matter how it may look like at first. Believe that everything and everyone in the world is a bridge bringing your desire to you, even if it you can’t immediately tell how it connects to it.
  • Accept it and persist in your desired outcome: Another effortless way to revise something unwanted, similar to the point above, is to accept that it happened but persist in the inner knowing that your desire is yours regardless and will be made manifest in your world anyway. Losing a battle doesn’t need to mean that the war is lost – in fact the war is never lost unless you decide it is – so don’t blow any hiccups in the way out of proportion and continue to believe that things are going to turn out the way you want them to anyway, no matter what may come in the way. Accepting an event doesn’t mean accepting that it will or can never change. All it means is that you observe it, drop any resistance to it having happened, and persist in your end result regardless, knowing that your desire is indeed yours come rain or shine.

All the above methods are valid and equally ‘correct’, and you may find yourself having a favorite one or choosing to implement a different one each time depending on the circumstance, your own levels of resistance to it, and how you generally feel at each given time. My only advice is to choose what feels best and most natural to you, so there really is no right or wrong way of doing revision. There is also no right or wrong way of implementing the revision. Some people prefer to script it and read their new story over as many times as needed. Others prefer to visualize or imagine using their senses. Others prefer to construct a short scene or inner conversation that reflects their new story. Yet others like to affirm or rampage to themselves, either on a loop until they feel better, or every time the story comes to mind, or even intermittently as they feel like it. Again there is no right or wrong way other than what feels right to you. Be bold and go for what feels most natural, and you will soon start feeling the shift within, which is where the outer magic that shifts things in the external also begins.